you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had to coat check the pizza.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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