Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
