I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
