Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
