I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
