my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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