I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
