oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
