Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
