I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
