he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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