tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
