This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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