there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
