it hurts more in the daytime
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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