somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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