do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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