i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
