PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
