My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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