Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
