is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
