At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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