Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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