I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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