I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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