Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
