it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
