i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
