Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
