This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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