laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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