Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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