Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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