Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
