they need to just BURY HIM!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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