my phone needs a breathalizer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
