Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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