Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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