I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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