Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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