I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
