I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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