Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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