drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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