I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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