I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
