***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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