I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In America we eat man semen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
