My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
