Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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