He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
