are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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