i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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