I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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